prozac, valium and some redhorse

yow! ilang try din ako mag log-in (ang log-on daw sa website ginagamit sabi ni comcoach). nakalimutan ko na kasi username ko dito pero ang password hindi.hehehe.inaamag amag na ang blog ko..

anu ba kukwento ko? marami..nahuli ako ng traffic enforcer dito sa cebu kasi mali mali ang tinatawiran.50 ang bayad or seminar.sabi ko, 30 nalang po, wag nyo na resibuhan.ehehe.di ko nauto, siningil pa rin ako....pumila ako sa atm, eh magkakulay yung atm ko at sm advantage card, ahahaha, kaya pala ilang beses nag prompt yung machine na bank is offline, kasi yung sm advantage card yung naisasaksak ko...umiwi akong nag-iisip na antanga tanga ko.

binista ko friends ko sa tacloban. namiesta kami ng katakut-takot..inuman ng katakut-takot...i slept with my ex ex ex.habang may bf pa sya.at paulit-ulit ang sex hanggang hin-hunting na ako ng jowa nyang may kotse (yaman daw yun kaso premature ejaculator daw :p ehehe).

i went through a month-long depression.gabi-gabi ako umiinom pero hindi umiiyak ha.inom lang ng inom ng inom.nakabawi na ako ngayon.matinu-tino na ng kunti.thanks sa mga friends na gumagabay.

nagbakasyon ako kasama ng mga kaibigan para makalimutan ko lahat ng problema, sakit, pait at kung anu-ano pang bad na nangyari sa buhay ko.akalain mo yun, mararanasan ko palang ma-depress...?akala ko healthy na buhay ko kasi patawa tawa lang ako, yun pala hindi ako exempted sa mga nakakaramdam.

ngayon bago na bahay ko.share kami nung friend ko.okay lang, wapakels kahit tabi kami sa bed kasi king size na bed yung nasa kwarto.may unan sa gitna.harhar...lagi lang kami medyo nagkakagulo dahil sa aircon.ayaw nya ng malamig na malamig ako naman gusto ko yung nangangatog ngatog ako.eh 3 kumot ko, sya isa lang,hehe.maliban dun, okay na ang lahat.

nangangarap nalang ako ngayon ng gising...gusto ko magka laptop, mapalitan yung cp ko na nawala..last month kasi nawala wallet ko pati cellphone.nagtatyaga ako ngayon sa lumang cellphone ng kapatid ko na laging ay problema.baka po may gusto mag donate kahit yung 3315 lang.tatanggapin ko talaga....seryoso....hehehe.

magulo pa rin buhay ko.kakasawa na rin ganito pero okay lang..excited na naman ako dun sa araw na maaayos ko lahat, pero mukhang matagal pa...

pati puso ko gulong-gulo talaga.may mahal ka, hindi pwede..may nagmamahal sau, di mo naman mapilit sarili mo.pikit-mata lahat ng desisyon eh. puro sugod ng sugod..pag naman dun sa kailangan ng tapang umuurong bayag ko..hay ewan.

dean: oh hayan may update na ako...

jemar: bakit nawala ka po?

mikmik: thanks for everything. ganda ng kanta sa blog mo.

redlan: ayan update na...wawa naman mga taga ilo-ilo..kinawawa ni frank.

mikel: nakarelate ako dun sa post mo bout nakabuntis.haha...*pawis na malamig

bob: miss na miss na kita.....:p

10 Craziest Things

na ginagawa ng lasing...ehehe

last nyt, a friend sent me a text message enumerating the crazy stuffs drunk ones do.i received the text after my third shot of mojitos.for a month now, i've been drinking almost every night (with friends of course). usually we take the "national beer", redhorse (wandering commuter thinks it's san miguel) but there were times when we would crave for tequilla or boracay concoction. i don't have any qualms about the it. i drink whatever is available. so long as there is ice, no worries.

i don't know why i am doing this. what i know is im beginning to love the feeling of being wasted. the natural anesthetic effect of the alcohol feels good...soo good. happy thing is that my boardmate/friend loves to drink too...no kaartehan..sometimes we wud go out at 12midnight just to buy 3 bottles of "grande" and mani andin an instant,life becomes worry free.

anyways, i'll share what's in the list. feel free to relate..

1. umiiyak kahit walang dahilan.
2. nagbibigay ng advice sa kapwa lasing.
3. kumakanta ng pasintunado.
4. tinatawagan or tinitext ang ex para makipag-usap ng walang sense.
5. nai-inlove nalang bigla.
6. ginagawang unan ang inidoro.
7. nagiging galante.
8. ikinukwento ang buhay ng buong angkan.
9. nagiging english-speaking kahit wrong grammar.
10. panay ang sabi ng "hindi na ako iinom" habang nagsusuka.


ahaha.love ko ang number 4 at number 9..never ko pa ginawa ang number 6..


ikaw? ehehehe

agi..

mahubya man.

revisiting, wandering (if you know what i mean)

Masakit,
Malungkot,
Ngunit hinding-hindi ko
ipaparamdam sayo ang lahat ng ito.

-pulsar.mugenblue.blogspot.com

let me write something about someone [who used to be] very special to me.nope, am not gonna rant here our "love" (charot c:) story.i just want you all to know how good he is, why i fell for him, and why "the one" whom he'll end up with,or if he already has someone now, is so lucky for having him.

there is a very simple reason why i loved him; that is, "because he's exactly not me".everything about him is lovable.he's smart, very very smart in fact, well-bred, sensible, happy, secure, kind and respectful.

he has "immeasurable" capacity for forgiveness. he's very humble and he never bragged about his achievements in life. despite all the talents, he remains simple, dreaming only of the simple things in life...in fact, as i see it, he's content with the thought of just loving and being loved in return.

i loved him because he is not me. he is more than what i am, and he will never become the same person that i am now. i hated myself before, but i abhorred myself more when i met him.i hated my childishness, my temper, my stupidities, my insecurities, my everything....don't get me wrong, when i say i hate myself, i don't refer to a "bad hate". i usually use the feeling of "self-hatred" to demand change in me, to demand for something better so i will develop love for my being.

he used to be the reason why i wanted changes in my life. he was the reason why i helped myself improve, why i sought for progress in the way i think and process things, he was my inspiration in my everyday dealings. needless [to] say, he is a great influence in my life.

i started this post with borrowed (without permission) lines from sir pulsar.why? because those lines say everything about me and him (the guy with a wandering havaianas).again, as i said a while ago, he is somebody that is not me (i hope that makes sense)

like pulsar, unlike him, i will never ever let somebody know that i am hurting, that i am in pain, that i need help and i am suffering.i will just remain silent, keeping the pain deep down, guarding it with my laughter, shielding it with my jests. i would rather stay in my room and sleep than talk or confront somebody about my discomforts.never have i ever learned how to vent out, how to say stop and mean it, how to say no with conviction and assert my right to something.

i fell for him coz he is never hesitant to tell the world what he feels. he's never afraid to speak out his mind.he would tell me if i am wrong and that I've hurt him.he would apologize and would mean it if there's a need to.

he would cry for a whole day if he's in pain, emotionally that is, and he's never ashamed to tell me about it.i don't know what he wants me to think whenever he does that, what i know is,it only makes me more deeply attached to him.it makes me realize that the person that he is is a normal human being....damn secure and genuine both to himself and to the world.

one last but most important thing, he's never afraid to say that he is madly in love.that somebody took over his heart and he is happy about it.he never had second thoughts about telling me about everything he feels.

i wouldn't do that myself.most of the times; i think that admitting to someone that he's your world is synonymous with swallowing your pride and giving up your dignity.exaggeration right? but it is true.with my insecurities and all, i vowed never to let anybody know and enjoy the thought of him hurting me or him being my weakness. that's too much for me.

good thing he's not like me c: with that, i know he'll always be happy....:p